Ostentatious Sophism

So I just finished a move called “The Family Man” with Nicholas Cage.  This movie has me thinking about what I truly want out of life, which I guess is the point of the film.  This flick has reenforced an idea that I have been entertaining for a while; I do not care what my career is.  I would be perfectly happy doing almost any lame job on the planet as long as I had a loving wife and family to come home to every night.  I have often asked myself how my casino coworkers can happily go to the same job every day without any hope for advancement or promotion.  This movie opened my eyes, and allowed me to see how they are able to do it.  Almost all of my coworkers are married and have/had kids.  This allows them to focus on the important things in life and not on their job.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and announce that my desire to eventually be a ‘Family Man’ in a house with a white-picket fence is as strong as ever and I believe that I am slowly and surely discovering my purpose in life.  I hope all is well!

So I have tried to convince myself that I drink too much.  I do not believe that this is true.  I do believe, however, that I go out too often.  Let us take tonight as an example.  I left my house at 11pm and returned home at 2:30am.  In this time span I only had 4 drinks.  That is a drink almost every hour.  I do not think that this means that I drink too much.  However, when one considers that I was out the night prior from 9pm until 5am, they begin to see the true issue; I am out too often.

Thus, I am asking for the help of my friends.  I do not want to become one the of those people that doesn’t drink at all.  If you want to grab a drink around 8pm on one of my days off, I am perfectly fine having a cocktail and catching up.  In fact my friend Karolina and I do this once every two weeks or so.  However, if you want to go out and get shitty past midnight, I am going to ask that you do not call me.  I have a hard time saying ‘no’ and I really need help in this aspect.  I love all of you, but I can no longer stay up and drink myself stupid like I was able to in the past.  I need to get my life under control and this includes my social life.

I have always desired being included in things.  I went thought a period where I was a complete social outcast and didn’t belong anywhere I went.  Because of this period, I decided to only say yes to request from my peers to socialize.  Thus, every time a friend asked me if I wanted to go out, I said yes.  It was a way for me to feel that I was not being left out of life as a whole.

I believe that I am mature and sensible enough to realize that the friends that I have acquired care for me regardless of the number of times that I go out in a month.  I am surrounded by people that truly care about me and that is why I am asking for help.  I do not think that I can say no to some of the people in my life and I ask that you do not require me to.  The next time that you plan on going out for a night of frivolity, please do not invite me (as much as I would live to join).  I need to finish getting my life on track and nights of intoxication are not the way to do it.

Thank you for your help and I hope you all still care for me.  Have a great night…

I am sorry. I regret the way I acted. I was immature, fool-hearty, and short tempered. I was afraid of losing my youth and my chance at living the “party-life.” I treated you as if you didn’t deserve me, though it was I that didn’t deserve you. You gave me your whole heart and I only gave you a portion of mine.

I pushed the one person that truly loved me for me out of my life because of some manic and idiot fear of commitment and growing older. Well I am older now and the only thing the 20/20 clarity of hindsight has brought me is remorse. I realize now that my bitter loneliness is caused by none other then my own stupidity. Karma has come full circle and is making me pay dearly for hurting you. I could not be more sorry.

Of course I realize this the day after someone did what I didn’t have the balls to do… commit to your love. Congratulations on surviving me and finding someone to treat you properly…

Upon waking this morning I discovered two things that, when combined, felt really surreal. The first is that the sneak preview of “Eclipse” has been released meaning that the movie is not far behind. The second thing is that one of my ex-girlfriends is getting married today. It feels like it was just yesterday that this girlfriend and I were going to the midnight release of “Eclipse” in BOOK FORM! In a seeming blink of an eye, the book as been released and become a huge success, our relationship has ended and she has found someone new, and they have turned that successful book into a movie. Where did the time go???