Thoughts of the past

I have been thinking of the past a lot lately. I do not know what happened, really. In hindsight I see things like this: 1. I was in a great relation and planning to spend the rest of my life with ‘apples’ (the name I am giving for my ex), 2. I am left for an affair and the dream ends, 3. I ‘find’ myself (spiritually and mentally), 4. I fall for a girl that I cannot have (Poland), 5. I meet another girl that seems perfect in every sense (Ms. Mraz), 6. I cannot get over Poland enough to see what could be with Ms. Mraz.

I have named this the “Six step program to loosing one’s mind.” I really do not want to give up on Poland, I have not felt so right since I was with apples. I just cannot feel that child-like butterfly feeling with Ms. Mraz while I still have Poland on the brain. While talking to her last night I was relaxed and caught up in her all at the same time. It is exactly how I felt when we first met. I do not know what I need to do, but I think that it involves meditation and sleep …