2009 word of the year: Stagnant

One of my friends posted this on Twitter and I completely agree.  I feel like this year has been a stinking pool of stale water.  Then, right when I think things are going to change, they change for the worse.  I am drowning in a pool of my own failures.  I cannot even manage to get help for these feelings because I fail so completely.  Moreover, I am not even happy with the person that I am.  I am not happy with the person that I have built myself to be.  I no longer want to be insanely rich, nor do I want to be popular.  I want a career that I enjoy.  I want to have a reason to wake in the morning so I can feel satisfied.  I want to stop feeling like I am waiting for something, and to feel that I belong.  Yes, I want my cake and I want to eat it too.  I currently feel that I am in Reno because it is the wiser choice.  I can afford life here.  I have a better chance of getting work here.  I have already started school here.  However, none of this takes into account whether I am happy or not.  I am on the verge of a huge internal revolution.  I feel that this period of failure is an opportunity to rebuild myself from the ground up.  Why would I want to rebuild myself into exactly the same person that I was before?!  Guy Fox did tell us that a revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having.  I want to find a way to dance my way into a better me while still having food on the table.  First and foremost, I need to find something worth dancing for…