Ostentatious Sophism

Dear old followers and new,

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:26:23 -0700

so, as many of you already know.. my tumblr was hacked and deleted tonight (as well as my facebook and hotmail!)

as lame as it sounds, this is seriously one of the saddest nights i’ve had in a long time. i loved my blog more than a normal person should and LOVED all of my 5,500 followers even more.

so if all of you would kindly put the word out there that my blog was deleted, and ask everyone who followed to re-follow.. i would love you.

thanks a lot,

xo lauren

This is one of two personal blogs that I follow that I feel my friends should follow as well. Miss Elise’s pictures are amazing, plus her dog is cute as hell. What more could you ask for!

The Real Deal

Sat, 24 Jul 2010 02:05:56 -0700

I am not sure if I have posted this before, but even if I did, it deserves another go. I found this on the interwebz one day and (grammatical errors not withstanding) it completely describes my view on romance. I am not as accusatory towards woman as the original author is, but I sense the same problems that he does, and wish for the same change. Let me know what you think!

“She cries because no guy “gets” her. She calls you for hours to tell you her problems and how she wishes she could find a nice guy like you to fall in love with. She comes over to your apartment with ice cream and some rented DVD to watch movies and “cuddle” on the couch with you.

You are everything she’s always complaining about wanting in a boyfriend. You listen to her and can actually quote back whole sentences of what she’s said. You know her favorite color, book, food, movie, and childhood memory. You could, without hesitation, plan out the most romantic, seductive date to take her on simply because you know exactly what turns her on and what she wants in “the perfect night”. You are allowed to stroke her hair, pat her back, even occasionally hold her hand and “accidentally” brush her boobs more than once as you’re reaching for the remote. And once, in a moment of weakness, she made out with you and then afterward forced you to agree it was a mistake and should never happen again. Are you the man of her dreams? No, you are her friend.

Honestly, I get so sick and tired of hearing women complain about how they can’t find that perfect man–when most of the time they’re talking to him! Beautiful women seem to be the most insecure as well. The more beautiful she is, the worse off it gets. She’ll say she wants someone to love her for “her”, not just that pretty package. She says this to a guy who has listened to her entire life story and dating horror history for hours on end. She says this to a guy who has never failed to answer the phone when she called, even if he was with another girl. She says this to a guy who can tell her about every dimple she has, every twinkle she gets in her eyes when she talks about puppies, and even knows her bra size while never having seen the goods simply because she talks about how hard it is to find them on sale at Victoria’s Secret. She says this to a guy who is danger of losing his job for replying to the steady stream of text messages she sends throughout the day. This is the curse of every man: to find yourself the close friend to a woman who is perfect for you, and whom you are perfect for as well…but she is too stupid to admit it and give you a chance.

She says she doesn’t care about looks so much as finding her soulmate, but you know as well as I do that is a lie. Looks matter more to her than they do to anyone else, but you can’t say anything about it without revealing how you really feel. And let’s be honest: she knows how you feel. She may be stupid enough to constantly chase after “bad boys” when she knows they’re going to break her heart, but she’s not so stupid that she can’t read the wistful look in your eyes as you listen to her drone on again about your dreams and wishes for the future. We are the one man who would actually appreciate you. You wouldn’t have to call us to “see where this relationship is going”…you would never doubt how we feel.

When we kiss you, we are the one who doesn’t automatically add to you a tally of running chicks we’ve bagged, but who appreciates this for the amazing moment it is. And if some glorious day we are finally allowed to share your bed we are the one who will put everything we are into making that night incredible for you, and not just another notch in our bedpost for us. We may not look like Brad Pitt, but I swear we can make you feel like you’ve just experienced the living embodiment of love-making rather than the “Ok, I’m done, see you in the morning” sex you get from you “Mister Right Now”. You want what you see in the movies…that is us, given the chance.

So here comes my gripe: Ladies, I am officially removing the privilege you have of talking to a lovestruck “friend” complaining about how you’ll never find someone to care about you. Complain to your girlfriends, your mom, or your sister, but don’t come to us about it. If we are important enough to you that you will invest 40% or more of your life to, then we are important enough to deserve a shot at your love. Hey, maybe we try and it won’t happen–and if not, we can live with that–but at least give us the opportunity to screw things up and not have to play “What If?” for the rest of our lives.

Imagine this, ladies: one day you look across the kitchen table at the man you’ve woken up next to for the past ten years and suddenly realize he’s still your best friend in the world! He still listens to your boring childhood stories with rapt attention and knows the exact trinket to pick up at the mall for you on his way home to cheer you up when you’re depressed. And it all changed when you decided there was a certain sexiness in friendship after all. And you’ll be glad you gave him the chance. Oh, and when that happens, you can thank me for saying to your face what your “friend” has been telling his buddies over his beer for the past hundred months. Best friends can make the best lovers and spouses.

And that’s the truth”

Lastly, here is one of my favorite quotes that comes to mind after reading this individuals thoughts:

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”
- Ann Landers

Help Needed!

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 12:21:54 -0700

I am leading a team for the Asthma walk this year and I need a team name. Which do you guys think is better?

The Albuterators
The Inhalerators
The Asthma Ninjas
The Speedy Wheezers
The Brisk Bronchi
Fast Acting Asthma Attackers
The Asthma Avengers
The Breath Bandits

Personal Legend, Where Are You?!

Sun, 18 Jul 2010 16:50:30 -0700

Yet again, a girl of my romantic interests is not available. It seems to be inevitable. I seem to have a sixth sense for women that happen to be in relationships. In fact, I do not believe that one woman that I have asked out in the past year and a half was single. While this little fact does astound me, I think I know why my love life has been failing so completely.

The odds of that many women randomly being in a relationship are slim to none. The fact that I only find taken women in my life must be a sign. It is a sign that I am not following my personal legend. Those of us that have read ‘The Alchemist’ know that when a person is following their personal legend, the universe will conspire to assist them with their journey. If one does not follow their personal legend, however, their path will seem difficult and tiresome as they will not have the assistance of the universe.

For the non-hippies that read this blog, here is the ‘rational’ explanation. People are more receptive to individuals that are grounded and well-adjusted. If you seem like you know what you want and how to get it, then people will generally be more open to helping you achieve it. If you seem lost or unsure, others will be less likely to support you or your cause. Obviously, without support, your life will seem more strenuous.

My current problem is that I have no idea what I want nor how to get it; essentially I do not know what my personal legend is. In ‘The Alchemist,’ Santiago had the luxury of having his personal legend delivered to him in a dream. Some of us, unfortunately, are not afforded this clarity and must search deeply within ourselves to discover what it is we truly want. The issue at hand is that my search constantly turns up empty. I know that I want to be in love. I know that I want a companion to walk through life with. However, I have no clue how to achieve these things. Moreover, while most people desire or have passion for a specific career, I don’t. I truly do not care what I do for the rest of my life as long as I have a loving woman to come home to after doing it. I could happily be a garbage man if I were in love. I have been created in such a way that the entirety of my satisfaction is dependent on a romantic relationship with another person. I wish there was something else that dominated my hopes and dreams, but as of current, I have not found it.

All I know is that I hope my personal legend reveals itself soon as I am EXTREMELY tired of the constant rejection and struggle.

Companionship

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 00:35:00 -0700

This word has developed an entirely new meaning for me recently. When I was younger I wanted sex. I just wanted to hump like a damn rabbit. Then, as I got older, I yearned for the ever elusive, yet oh-so generic, ‘love.’ I wanted a happy ending just like I had seen in the movies. However, as someone grows emotionally, they learn that neither of these things are truly what they want.

I have grown to truly want a companion.

I want someone that will share a bed with me each night. I want the security of knowing that this person will always be there for me through all stages of life. I want someone that I do not simply wave goodbye to at the end of the night, but that I hold until we both fall asleep.

I thought that my friends might be able to fill this empty void in my life, but it is never the case. Even after an extremely fun and enjoyable day, I am still forced with the reality that I have to separate myself from them so they can continue to live their independent lives. This is especially difficult seeing as the majority of my friends are couples. At times it feels like I am trying to mask my loneliness by surrounding myself with people that are just the opposite.

Part of me attributes this to my ‘mimicking ability.’ My entire life, I have had this uncanny ability to mimic my environment. If I am surrounded by intelligent, driven individuals, I will act and present myself as a like person. If I am socializing with worry-free stoners, I will become just short of a Jamaican to fit in. I will alter my speech, dress, mannerisms, and general mood to achieve an accurate and accepted image.

I guess my logic is as follows: If I surround myself with people that are not lonely, then I will not be lonely as I will adopt their attitudes. Unfortunately this plan has failed. All that I have achieved by surrounding myself with happy, well-adjusted couples is the blazingly obvious realization that I am completely alone.

Why is it so hard to find a quality, attractive (by my standards), companion?

Dangle the Carrot

Mon, 05 Jul 2010 02:09:21 -0700

Have you ever felt that you were meant to do something but couldn’t quite put your finger on it? Like there was a special purpose for your life yet it was unknown to you? Welcome to my entire life.

Well, recently I have found my calling. I dearly want to work in Law Enforcement. I want to hold a position of prestige and respect. I do not want to do a job that has a hyper-inflated income. Lastly I would want a job that actually helps people. This sounds like law enforcement.

I know that, to a lot of my friends, this sounds like lunacy, but some will understand. I know that I have always fought authority, but that is simply because I envied them. I have resented the ease at which they have garnished adoration. It wasn’t until this evening, however, that I was willing to admit that I want to be a member of the uniformed ranks and defend the populous against itself.

The problem is that I have asthma. I will never be allowed to work in any uniformed position because of a disease that I have been cursed with since birth. Thus, I must sit by and admire as my friends and neighbors succeed in a career that I could only hope to be accepted into. This is the path that has been chosen for me.

I will continue to attempt a complete and fulfilling life, but I know that satisfaction will be constantly and slightly out of my grasp. This post was more of a reason to acknowledge the reality than a way to change it. Thank you for listening and I hope y’all had a great fourth…

This is really what it is all about…

Sun, 20 Jun 2010 01:10:05 -0700

This is really what it is all about…

what is your view on religion?

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 03:00:25 -0700

I believe that faith in humanity is important for people but religion should NEVER justify the harm or damage of another. If it does it is not a valid religion to follow.

Ask me anything

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Sun, 30 May 2010 20:34:13 -0700

““It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.””

- Aristotle

"The success of love is in the loving- it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in..."

Thu, 27 May 2010 11:45:08 -0700

““The success of love is in the loving- it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.””

- Mother Teresa

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for..."

Wed, 26 May 2010 00:18:00 -0700

““I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.””

- Roy Croft

Shit that I have done:

Fri, 14 May 2010 00:26:28 -0700

If it’s crossed-out, then I have done it, lol.

1. Had a threesome.
~~2. Been drunk.~~
~~3. Touched a real gun.~~
~~4. Done drugs.~~
~~5. Wrote on a bathroom stall.~~
~~6. Took “naughty” pictures of myself.~~
~~7. Had sex.~~
~~8. Got into a fist fight.~~
~~9. Used Twitter.~~
~~10. Listened to Lady Gaga.~~ (Unfortunately)
~~11. Been in a car accident.~~
~~12. Gotten suspended.~~
13. Gotten expelled.
~~14. Got a computer virus.~~
~~15. Had a hand-written diary.~~
~~16. Been allergic to something.~~
~~17. Had a dog.~~
~~18. Had a cat.~~
19. Been pregnant.
~~20. Had a pregnancy scare.~~
~~21. Had unprotected sex.~~
~~22. Camped out.~~
~~23. Swam in the ocean.~~
~~24. Wore a bikini.~~ (Long story…)
~~25. Met someone and recognized them from Myspace or Facebook.~~
~~26. Made a survey.~~
~~27. Used ICQ.~~
~~28. Failed a class for the year.~~
~~29. Repeated a grade.~~
~~30. Went to summer school.~~
~~31. Was on the honor roll.~~
32. Got the regular honor roll (A’s and B’s).
33. Learned to speak another language fluently.
~~34. Read an entire book.~~
~~35. Recorded my own music.~~
~~36. Had an XBOX.~~
~~37. Listened to Rammstein.~~
38. Wore fishnets.
39. Bought skinny jeans.
~~40. Been in love.~~
~~41. Hated someone.~~
~~42. Been cheated on.~~
43. Cheated on someone.
~~44. Had a bf/gf.~~
45. Been kissed by someone of the same sex.
46. Practiced Christianity.
~~47. Worn makeup.~~
~~48. Had a cavity.~~
49. Had surgery.
~~50. Had my license.~~
~~51. Been to college.~~
~~52. Graduated high school.~~
53. Took anti-depressants.
54. Worn colored contacts.
55. Painted my nails black.
~~56. Broken someone’s heart.~~
~~57. Had my heart broken.~~
~~58. Cried for an hour straight.~~
~~59. Lost something very valuable.~~
~~60. Had sex in a car.~~
~~61. Got separated from my parents as a kid.~~
~~62. Broken a bone.~~
~~63. Gotten stung by a bee.~~
~~64. Eaten something bad/expired.~~
~~65. Threw up from being so drunk.~~
~~66. Had to put a pet to sleep.~~
67. Participated in a swinger’s party.
~~68. Owned an iPod.~~
~~69. Owned an iPhone.~~
~~70. Fell for a best friend.~~
71. Stole a friend’s significant other.
72. Slapped someone in the face.
~~73. Went away from home for more than a week.~~
~~74. Moved out.~~
~~75. Ran away.~~
~~76. Teased my brother/sister.~~
~~77. Ate too much to move.~~
~~78. Been to the hospital to visit someone.~~
~~79. Had food poisoning.~~
~~80. Had a job.~~
~~81. Been fired.~~
~~82. Lied to a friend.~~
~~83. Lied to a family member.~~
~~84. Lied to a significant other.~~
~~85. Posted a video on YouTube.~~
~~86. Started a rumor about someone.~~
~~87. Didn’t try on a test but still passed.~~
~~88. Dropped out of school.~~
89. Got my junk pierced.
~~90. Been skinny dipping.~~
~~91. Counted to a million.~~
~~92. Counted to a thousand.~~
~~93. Ate deer meat.~~
~~94. Ate duck meat.~~
~~95. Had fast food.~~
~~96. Been to church.~~
97. Been to a synagogue.
98. Been married.
99. Had a divorce.
~~100. Broken a window.~~

What on this list have you done?

felldowntherabbithole: My friend Tez showed me this today….you...

Sun, 09 May 2010 20:58:29 -0700

felldowntherabbithole:

My friend Tez showed me this today….you should have seen my face! Would love to see a compilation of the reactions people have as they watch this.

Oh my… This is intense… Watch at your own risk.
(P.S. that is not to say that it is bad or anything. In fact, it is a very well made and very emotional short… very emotional…)

felldowntherabbithole: One of the greatest videos… This video...

Sat, 08 May 2010 00:59:32 -0700

felldowntherabbithole:

One of the greatest videos…

This video is amazingly creative and entrancing. Warning: it is also a bit of an acid trip, haha.

This might be my favorite quote ever, haha: (starts at 4:22)...

Tue, 04 May 2010 11:38:00 -0700

This might be my favorite quote ever, haha:

(starts at 4:22) “I am not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be outworked. Period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me, you might be all of those things. You got it on me in nine categories, but if we get on a treadmill together, there’s two things: you’re getting off first, or I’m gonna DIE. It’s really that simple.”

He also talks about “The Alchemist” in the interview. Can you say ‘Will Smith is my hero?’

My blog just turned 1 and I turned 23!

Mon, 03 May 2010 00:21:34 -0700

My blog just turned 1 and I turned 23!

"At the height of being in love the boundary between ego and object threatens to melt away. Against..."

Sun, 02 May 2010 22:23:00 -0700

““At the height of being in love the boundary between ego and object threatens to melt away. Against all the evidence of his senses, a man who is in love declares that ‘I’ and ‘you’ are one, and is prepared to behave as if it were a fact.””

- Civilization and it’s Discontents by Sigmund Freud

“Like a Virgin”by Glee Cast “I made it through...

Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:43:25 -0700

“Like a Virgin”
by Glee Cast

“I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn’t know how lost I was
Until I found you

I was beat incomplete
I’d been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new

Chorus:

Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine

Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
‘Cause only love can last

You’re so fine and you’re mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold

(chorus)

Oooh, oooh, oooh

You’re so fine and you’re mine
I’ll be yours ‘till the end of time
‘Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
I’ve nothing to hide

(chorus)

Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Can’t you hear my heart beat
For the very first time”

Like a Virgin

Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:35:20 -0700

So this weeks episode of Glee has me thinking about Virgins. To recap, the episode was about female/personal empowerment and strength. As part of this process, a few of the characters were forced to make a decision about their bodies and virginity. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil the episode here, but it did cause me to think about this ‘virginity’ thing.

I believe that virginity gets a bad rap in our society. It is usually drawn synonymous to naïveté, or guilelessness. This bothers me. I believe that virginity can be a good thing. Why has our society demonized sexual inexperience? From what I remember, the best sexual episodes of my life happend right before and right after I love my virginity; everything was new and exciting. There was nothing to compare to, nothing to live up to. The only thing driving me was a visceral desire that I had never experienced before; it was electrifying, I loved it. Now sex feels as though it is comfortable and usual. Even while having sex with a new person, you begin to draw similarities between what you are experiencing and what you have experienced before. There isn’t much that is unique any longer. Before long, sex becomes as processed and canned as the McDonald’s that you had for lunch. However, this is the sexual state that people pressure virgins into converting to. We can see this in any of the hundreds of thousands of commercials on television today. When we see a female symbol of sex or sexuality, it usually consists of a toned woman, dressed in either red or blak, wearing matching high heels, makeup, and enough hair product to kill an ant colony. She is usually doing something completely inappropriate with a phallic object, simply to give the illusion that she is willing to ‘go all the way.’ What we should be seeing is a make-up-less woman in a white dress wearing flats while longingly looking into their lovers eyes before a long passionate first kiss. Virginal people are pressured into thinking that the giddy, excited sexual experiences that they are going through are petty and only transitory. These commercials are trying to convince people that what they want (or want to be) is a ‘naughty’ woman that has experience when they should be being told the opposite. Those virginal sexual experiences are going to become some of the most satisfying experiences of their lives. Why can’t we encourage people to stay that way?

I guess this rant carries over from sex into all walks of life. I feel that during my entire life I have been pressured into shedding my ‘childish’ and virginal views for a more adult take on things. Whether it be regarding money, school, social behavior, or hobbies, I was encouraged to focus my attention on the things that other ‘responsible adults’ we interested in and mimic them. Some of the lessons are valuable, such as how to properly hold a fork, or watching ones mouth around company, but others are just plain ridiculous. People shouldn’t stop building model cars, or dancing around their room in their underwear just because most adults wouldn’t approve. If a grown adult wants to order a happy meal because the toy makes them happy, then they should do it without being ridiculed by the populous at large.

It’s not that I feel the fight is lost. Yes, I still do dance around my room just for the hell of it, but there are some things that I feel that I was too quick to dispose of. The main one is my general innocence. Don’t get me wrong, I do not regret how (or to whom) I lost my virginity, but I do wish I would have stayed in that limbo of innocence a little longer. I long for that giddy, nervous style of love making and courtship. I want a first kiss on a date to cause the same unsettling excitement that it did when I was in high school. The only hope that I have is that with the right person, it will. If I connect with a matching personality, we will make each other feel like virgins, touched for the very first time…

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you..."

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 11:24:00 -0700

““Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.””

- Will Smith as Alex Hitchens from the movie “Hitch”